The day the truth came..

Before I start digressing again, I have something I have to say.
Below is what I had wrote on my laptop on the 29th September, on WORD Document.

"29 September 2007 2:59 PM

This has to be the most difficult piece of writing that I’ve wrote for quite a while.

To everyone who has been concerned about me, and praying for my appeal outcome, I bring bad news.

On 27^th Sept, I had fallen ill in the morning and had a serious headache. Then, my condition worsened so much such that I had vomited twice. I had just recovered from the flu, and that morning was already at school.
Thus, my aunt, and her friend’s son brought me to the clinic nearby my aunt’s house. Once there, the doctor gave me an injection for my splitting headache, and then prescribed me some meds for my inflamed throat and some painkillers.
After the injection, I felt better and so walked back home with my aunt. Once home, I stayed and rested there.

Shortly after I had arrived home, my Aunty connie received a call from my father, and I overheard a large extent of it, and this was when I heard the bad news.

"My father had just received a letter from the school, telling him that my appeal has been
unsuccessful. The school had decided this after much thought and discussion.”
What this essentially means, is that I am no longer able to study in Singapore Polytechnic anymore.

When I had heard about this, my first reaction was not anger, but sadness.
The first thing I said was, “Father, Father, Why have you forsaken me?”
I was essentially quoting what Jesus had said when he was nailed on the cross.

3:16 PM
I’m reaching Woodlands interchange right now, so I ought to be beginning to pack my stuff.
This has indeed been bad news. I hope everything is ok."

Above, was what I had typed down, while I was on my way to church. last saturday, 29th Sept.
What do I think about all that?

Once in church, I first went up to meet up with my CG[Care Group], and have CG time with them. We were having combined CG time with another CG, so there were quite a lot of people in the room.

Anyways, after CG, I had to update my CG members about what was the outcome of my appeal. At that time, I didn't show them the above entry, as they didn't have the time.
Thus, I told them all that had happened, and what I had thought about doing, which was to go into the army and get enlisted.
That was when they told me that, there is another way.
What I could do, is this-- Find a private institution that is able to provide me with a letter of deferment, so I don't have to get enlisted.

But here's the thing: In order for me to get a private institution, the first thing I must do is to find out my interests! What is it that I really want to do!

Here is where lies my biggest problem now.

I really, sincerely don't know what I am interested in, because I have too many interests!

On the one hand, I like to sing, and music has always been something that has held my interests.
Then, there's acting and drama.

Since young, I had attended speech and drama lessons. Thus, I had always been able trained to act, and learn to express myself in front of people. It had also sort of developed me to be not afraid to sing, or perform in front of people. Thus, it has always been a section of interest in my life. I had even been able to be in the acting troupe, and had even acted in Victoria Theatre before for a preformance.
Thus, the only thing is that, for the past two years, I had been too busy in my studies, and had not had much time in going to the acting troupe anymore.

There's still other stuff, like for instance, reading manga, and watching anime.
But I guess they can just be considered pasttimes.

There's still crochet, [something like knitting], which I had picked up at the end of last year. It is something that I really enjoy, and until quite recently, was still doing. The thing about crochet is that, it is something that requires a lot of patience, and concentration, and that is probably one of the reasons why I like it.
Also, there is a sense of achievement whenever I look back at my finished products and say, "I've done it. These are my creations." I don't know. Perhaps this is really what I want to do.
The thing is, is it something that I can make a living out of? Will I be able to survive just by doing it?

I guess, the most important thing is-- It's not just about whether I'm interested into something or not, but also whether realistically, is it really something that can provide me with a livelihood?

I should end now. It's almost time for me to rest.
Maybe the next time I type, I can continue to discuss about the many interests I have.
Goodnight.