A small encouragement

Yesterday, shortly after my previous blog post, I met up with my A&P Chem teacher, who told me that, part of the reason why I had yet to recieve a reply was that the Director had not had a meeting with my lecturers yet.
Anyways, he told me not to worry, that whatever the outcome may be, I just have to accept it and move on. If I have to go get enlisted, than all I can do is to just train up my body, so that I would be better prepared to go on for the trainings.

Then, this morning, while I was on my way, doing deliveries for the school bakery, I met up with my form teacher, with whom i told her my worries that the School might not be able to contact me about my status. So, what she told me was that: #1- I should first update my parents particulars, so that if the school wants to contact my parents, they would be able to do so.
[In my case, that would be my father, as my mother's now overseas for business stuff.]

#2- I can just walk up to school and find out from them, about how my status is, and whether it is confirmed.

Ok. I have to go down over to my school to check for my status now.

Continue to pray for my appeal outcome, and I pray that everything will turn out ok.

Amen.

Alvin.

short update..

As im in school right now and have the chance to use the com for a while more, I'll just have to update you all as to my current situation.

17thSept --I went to talk to my School Courses counsellor as i wanted to enquire whether it is possible for me to transfer to another course due to my results and all that.
As it turns out, the only way for me to transfer is for me to first get reinstated. That's why on that day itself he asked me to start to write an appeals letter, in order for me to get reinstated.

So, I spent the rest of the evening from 7pm to almost 1 am writing and rewriting the letter.
Fortunately, I managed to get the letter out before I went to school the next morning.

Thus, on the morning of 18th Sept, I sent my Appeals letter to the Examinations board, so that they can send it to my School for review.
Somehow, I feel that my chances this time are much lesser due to the fact that this is my 2nd chance appealing to continue on in my course.

Anyways, I'm right now just praying that everything will go well for my Appeal to continue on to study. I really really hope to be reinstated.

I have to go back to work now.
Hope everything goes well.

Alvin.

Distraught and Disappointments...

I've been expelled from school.
Ok. I've just seen my results, and frankly speaking, I'm still reeling from the effects.

Goodness, I don't know how to continue to write.
This is just the worst thing to happen to me. Really.

Just when I thought that, as I had tried to do well for my AP.Chem, 2 other subjects come back to haunt me.

And now, It's the worst case scenario.
I've been expelled.

This has been a big blow to me. I've disappointed everyone around me. and I mean everyone.
Why did this happen?
Why did the same thing repeat?

It didn't.

All I can do now, is to try to reflect on everything that has happened, that could have led to this...

#1--IDEAs....
My first few classes went on quite okay, Then, everything started to spiral downwards when I was sent to an all girls team. I felt uncomfortable with them right from the start.
When we were doing the market research, we didn't do it well.
When it came down to doing the first presentation, we didn't do enough preparation.
When we were preparing for the 2nd presentation, I was having my drama rehearsals, and that I couldn't make it for the final preparations on the eve of the final presentation.. Thus, I screwed up my 2nd presentation.
Then, when I heard of news that the teacher wanted to see me, I didn't go to see him, for fear of being criticised... This went on for at least another 2 to 3 weeks.

#2--RWP....
As with the previous subject, my first few classes went well. Then, once, I didn't go for one of the lessons, which happened to be a test, because I felt that I wasn't well prepared for it.
Then, from then on, I just went to one or two of the lessons, and didn't go from then on.
Thus, once again, I missed quite a few lessons.

As of right now, I'm supposed to be going to see my Aunt, who is waiting for me at the library stall, and I don't know how I'm supposed to face them. Any of them.

What should I do now? What am I to do?
What would I do?
I have no answer to any of these questions. None of them.

I am lost.

How do I feel now? Overwhelmed by a whole barrage of emotions.
Sadness, Disappointment, Distraught, Regret, Frustration, Angry....

It's more like, just a feeling of Depression, and gloom.
I don't know what else to say.

There's just nothing that I know I can do.
This must seem like a suicidal person, and, as of now, I don't know.

I'm sorry to everyone who has cared for me. I'm really sorry. This should not have happened, but it has. I just hope to tell all my loved ones that I love them, but it's just that I can't be this person anymore.
I feel that I have let down so many people.
There are so many things that I have yet to do, but, it seems like I might not have the chance to do any of them anymore.
Please don't feel that all this were caused by any of you. It isn't. It's all caused by me.

I've been too undisciplined. And this is why all this has happened.

I wish you all well. I willl Rest well.

Yours Sincerely, Alvin.

Recap and Recollections...

When I first came online, I was quite surprised by the fact, that the last time I updated this was in April..

This means that a lot, and I do mean a LOT has happened in the past few months.

The least I can do, is to try, to the best of my ability, to recap as much as I can.

#1]
During one of the rare occasions that I was on msn[[few months ago]], I talked to one of the cosplayers that I had added to my messenger... His name was Jason, [[not the Crusader]]. We chatted online, and soon, I found out he was around my age, and we seemed to have similar interests.

Very soon, we decided on meeting up the next week, and he met up with me at an mrt.
He told me that he was going to show me his office where he was working, so I was interested to see his workplace too.

Initially, I thought it was just a casual visit and chat, then dinner. But little did know that he was actually working for an MLM [Multi-Level Marketing company]. Disclaimer: I am not against MLMs.

When I went into his office, and found out it was a MLM, I was just surprised. I didn't expect at all to have a friend who was working in an MLM. I attended the orientation talk, [which is just a presentation about what the company is about and stuff...] Then Jason brought over his "Superior", and came to talk to me and another girl about the company.

To cut a [very] long story short, at the end of all that, I sincerely didn't feel that it was time for me to find a job when I can't even juggle my subjects well. In a messenger conversation I had with my friend later, I told him what I felt, and he left it as it was.

[[This was the first incident that could pop in my mind, so I just typed it down. ]]

#2]
I'm now going to fast forward through a lot of events now, so bear with me, and I'm sorry if I missed any significant events. I should have blogged more often, but I just.. hadn't had the drive to write anything throughout this whole period. I hope that this post would make up for the extremely long absence that I've had.

Now to the significant event in this whole period, which I feel is important to put down on record so that I can from now on, always look on this event and never let it happen again.

PS: I think it would do this event more justice if I devoted a whole post to itself, so I shall end this post here, and devote the whole of the next post to this event.

Thank you for reading thus far.
In God's Grace,
Alvin.