Thursday, November 02, 2006

Reflections of A Troubled Heart

Weather: Sunny Morning...
PSI: 35
Listening: Nothing
Location: RWP Lesson

I have a confession to make: I lied to all of you.

On the 31st of October, I DIDN'T attend the practical. I made it up.
Call it a guilty conscience, but I felt that it could not go on...

Why am I doing all this? Why?? After all that I did last Sem, hadn't I learn't anything??
This is just one of the things that has been troubling me:

Monday moring-- Skipped MorningTutorial lesson because I overslept.
Tuesday afternoon--Didn't go for tutorial because I was late
Wednesday--Skipped Morning's IDEAs lesson because I overslept.

I just don't understand!!!! This is just insane... I feel now as tho I have this huge burden, as this is not the first week.. Just observe::

I had missed 3 Tutorials [1st-2nd Wk, 4th Wk]
I had missed all 5 Practicals [Up till now..]
I had missed 3 IDEAs lessons [3rd-5th{this}Wk]

And this is the most absurd and crazy part of all-- I NEVER missed any of the Thursday or Friday lessons!?!?!

I can only come to one conclusion: I have been trying to avoid all these lessons for a reason.. The thing now is, WHY? why have I been avoiding them??

Oh God!! I feel so foolish.. What is the matter with me? Why the heck am I avoiding all these lessons??? If this does not change, I WILL FAIL!!!!

Whoever it was that sent me the comment on [3oth Oct]'s post, please leave me with a name. Perhaps you can pray for me or something...

I put up this plea to all that who are reading this--If you are someone close to me, who knows me, please approach me. I also hope that you may pray for me, and reply to my post.

I need help. I'm on the verge of hope now.. I feel so trapped and confused.

Thank you.

Serxerius [aka Alvin]

[End: 9.51 am GMT+0800]

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